Have you noticed the uptick of rudeness in the world? Incivility is a term for social behavior lacking in good manners. An absence of respect creates a sense of victimhood in our society that compromises mental and physical health. The word "incivility" is derived from the Latin, “incivilis,” meaning "not of a citizen.” More than half of Americans (58%) identify incivility as a problem. In the past three months, two-thirds of US employees witnessed acts of discourtesy at their jobs. Respect for others is an important work practice, as it establishes a safe and empathetic environment. In this more courteous context, individuals are able to contribute their best ideas knowing they will be heard and valued.

Examples of civil disrespect include toxic online comments, impatience with customer service, loud conversations on speaker phone intruding on others’ senses and inconsiderate interruptions in a work space. Political discussions often contain unnecessary personal attacks that deepen the divide through intolerance for differing viewpoints. Leaders demonstrating these communication styles model poor conduct for the public to follow. In social gatherings, we see private conversations intruded upon, people failing to actively listen and loudly talking over others. Healthcare workers are flippantly addressed by patients and medical protocol is often ignored, creating a stressful, hostile care environment. In travel venues, we see videos of airline passengers refusing to comply with rules or fighting with other passengers. A most poignant illustration is road aggression that endangers lives by speeding, tailgating and cutting others off in traffic. Almost 92% of the public reported witnessing at least one incident of antagonistic driving in 2024. According to a 2023 survey, respondents (34%) reported carrying at least one weapon in their vehicle. When unsettled by threatening sensations, it is challenging to access parts of the brain used for critical thinking. The wrong decision at a perilous moment could be prove to be deadly.

From small insults to more serious forms of aggression, acts of disrespect have consequences on our health, wellbeing and confidence. Take the example of being cut off in traffic, an experience that leaves one seething miles later or perhaps you have been rudely interrupted by a colleague in an important meeting. The magnitude of the effect it has on your decision making is not surprising, as most people replay the threatening scene repeatedly in their mind. When a person is rude to us, we feel targeted. The nervous system interprets these events as life-threatening and our ability to problem solve is compromised. ‘Anchoring’ is a term for cognitive bias describing the human tendency to rely too heavily on an initial piece of information when solving a problem. For example, our outrage creates an overfocus (or anchor) on our earliest interpretation and ignores mediating information. The anchoring effect keeps us from logical solutions due to judgment errors related to skewed expectations and dismissed information.

How did this pattern of negative responding escalate in our population? Compounded stress from fear related to pre and post-pandemic effects on the economy, war, divisive politics, changes in how we work and a continued sense of uncertainty fuels incivility. I have always marveled at the contagious effect of worried anxiety in groups. Concern for others’ welfare seems to be diminishing. Ties among people have weakened due to a degraded sense of safety resulting in frayed community relations. Technology creates an even greater personal disconnect and as a result, people report feeling objectified, under-valued and unheard. Many folks lack the self-awareness regarding how their own rude behaviors are perceived and the negative impact they impose on others. There seems to be a decreased ability to put ourselves in others’ shoes for a broader empathic perspective.

What can we do to mitigate the harmful impact of rudeness in our society?
Personal solutions
1. Make an intentional effort to respond with respect when treated impolitely
2. Encourage those around you to choose to react with consideration
3. Vote for leaders who conduct themselves in a civil manner
4. Commit to contributing ‘one act of kindness a day’
5. Receive therapeutic support to cope with and build resilience for
times when you are treated with disrespect

Broader solutions
1. Parents to expect their children to conduct themselves with respect for Self
and others at home and out in the world
2. Teach courtesy and consideration at the elementary, middle, high school
and college levels
3. Report acts of incivility in the workplace to get support for improving the
behaviors
4. Managers professonally trained in conflict resolution to intervene between
employees
5. A national campaign to promote courtesy in our society via public media,
government, schools, businesses, faith-based and non-profit institutions

By addressing and easing the impact of disrespect, our society can begin to foster a more positive, cooperative and healthier environment for the highest good of one and all.

Meyer, S. Driving Behavior and Road Rage in 2024. Published March 20, 2024.

https://www.thezebra.com/resources/driving/driving-behavior-survey-
2023/#:~:text=According%20to%20our%20survey%2C%2092,survey%20was%20conducted%20in%202021.

SHRM 2024. Civility at Work-2024 Civility Index Research.

https://www.shrm.org/topics-tools/topics/civility#q=civility&sortCriteria=relevancy%2C%40ytlikecount%20descending&f-topicfiltertag=Employee%20Relations,Inclusion%2C%20Equity%20and%20Diversity,Civility

Weber Shandwick, Powell Tate and KRC Research. Civility in America 2019:
Solutions for Tomorrow. Published June 6, 2019.

https://www.slideshare.net/slideshow/civility-in-america-2019-solutions-for-tomorrow/151876156