Navigating Tension at the Holiday Table

Serving others as a clinician provides a front row seat to observe reactions to societal trends. I was surprised at how many struggled to cope following the election results. These reactions have amplified anxieties surrounding the upcoming holidays. For the last four years, the American Psychological Association has polled regarding holiday health. This year 28% of those surveyed are experiencing more stress affording holiday gifts (46%,) grieving a lost loved one (47%,) and dealing with challenging family dynamics (35%). That may be especially true this December, as revealed by a recent APA survey conducted right before Thanksgiving. A significant 45% of younger people (ages 18 to 34) and 47% of middle-aged folks (ages 35 and 44) said they plan to avoid relatives they disagree with this holiday season in the aftermath of the election. Managing a family’s political differences during the holidays can be tough, but these conflicts do not have to ruin a festive season

How does one engage constructively in family political disagreements during the holidays?

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The Power of Curative Connections

What if you could be prescribed a trip to a nature preserve, a watercolor class or walking group to treat mental health issues? Social prescribing is an alternative model of care that recognizes the social, emotional and practical needs that impact people’s overall health. Our wellbeing is strongly determined by our environment. These social determinants of health are the nonmedical aspects in which we are born, grow up, work, live and age that influence our health outcomes. We all need basics to survive, such as clean air, nutritious food, decent shelter and adequate money. However to truly flourish, we need to focus on whole-person care by finding meaning in our lives, sources of joy and beneficial relationships.

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Incivility in our Society

From small insults to more serious forms of aggression, acts of disrespect have consequences on our health, wellbeing and confidence. Take the example of being cut off in traffic, an experience that leaves one seething miles later or perhaps you have been rudely interrupted by a colleague in an important meeting. The magnitude of the effect it has on your decision making is not surprising, as most people replay the threatening scene repeatedly in their mind. When a person is rude to us, we feel targeted. The nervous system interprets these events as life-threatening and our ability to problem solve is compromised. ‘Anchoring’ is a term for cognitive bias describing the human tendency to rely too heavily on a first piece of information when solving a problem. For example, our outrage creates an overfocus (or anchor) on our initial interpretation ofwhat happened and ignores mediating information. The anchoring effect keeps us from logical solutions because of our judgment errors related to skewed expectations and dismissed information.

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Remaining Positive in a Chaotic World

Have you noticed how the world is changing?

Occasionally feeling overwhelmed is normal and it may be challenging to stay positive about the future. Maintaining a sense of hope may help to stay upbeat, as hopefulness is associated with wellbeing, resilience and reduced feelings of depression. Existential thinkers, like Viktor Frankl, highlighted the value of meaning and purpose as a source of hope. While Psychologist C. R. Snyder’s theory asserts that hopefulness serves as a coping mechanism to deal with stress and adversity.

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Tis the Season ... to Examine your Mindset

Waking with a start on Sunday morning, I realized it was December and the onset of the holiday season. After getting a cup of coffee, I went straight to my office to begin project managing this month’s calendar. Many people mirror this attempt to choreograph every intricacy of this time of the year.

A recent survey by the American Psychological Association found normalcy in holiday stress; imagine that! In addition, it was discovered that Americans’ primary stressors during the holidays are characterized by financial fears, struggles with loneliness and worries surrounding impending family conflict. If you are like me and your busy schedule becomes even busier in December, it may help to put things in perspective.

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Practicing Assertiveness

Assertiveness is an expression of your true needs, beliefs or feelings to others. It means being unafraid to stand up for yourself, set boundaries and self-advocate in a respectful manner. Choosing to passively avoid speaking up for yourself gives away your power and only leads to your feeling resentful. Assertive communication results in a ‘win-win’ rather than the ‘I win’ expression of aggression by respecting the rights of others, as well as oneself. I often tell clients, “Assertiveness implies getting what you need without stepping on others’ toes” and is a benefit for all considered. Openly stating needs and boundaries serves others by setting expectations, promoting clarity and building trust. I don’t know about you, but I personally like being around people with whom I know where I stand.

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Suzette Turner-Clark, LCSW-S, RPT/S, RYT-200