Navigating Tension at the Holiday Table
Serving others as a clinician provides a front row seat to observe reactions to societal trends. I was surprised at how many struggled to cope following the election results. These reactions have amplified anxieties surrounding the upcoming holidays. For the last four years, the American Psychological Association has polled regarding holiday health. This year 28% of those surveyed are experiencing more stress affording holiday gifts (46%,) grieving a lost loved one (47%,) and dealing with challenging family dynamics (35%). That may be especially true this December, as revealed by a recent APA survey conducted right before Thanksgiving. A significant 45% of younger people (ages 18 to 34) and 47% of middle-aged folks (ages 35 and 44) said they plan to avoid relatives they disagree with this holiday season in the aftermath of the election. Managing a family’s political differences during the holidays can be tough, but these conflicts do not have to ruin a festive season
How does one engage constructively in family political disagreements during the holidays?
Grieving Parental Loss
Two days before my November birthday, my father passed away. I have discovered that grief is an interesting topic unappreciated until there is a real personal encounter. Feelings of anguish are commonly experienced after any significant loss such as a job or relationship including the death of a close person. Separation anxiety, feelings of yearning and confusion accompany the state of grief. During this time, intrusive thoughts of the past or fears for the future may emerge. It is not rare to have feelings of regret over lost opportunities or remorse for a negative act that was committed by either party. An intense grief reaction can disrupt the immune system or cause physical pain enough to influence self-neglect. Grieving is deeply personal and there is no ‘correct’ way to go through the process. Gabert (2020) describes surviving the unexpected nature of grief:
The Power of Curative Connections
What if you could be prescribed a trip to a nature preserve, a watercolor class or walking group to treat mental health issues? Social prescribing is an alternative model of care that recognizes the social, emotional and practical needs that impact people’s overall health. Our wellbeing is strongly determined by our environment. These social determinants of health are the nonmedical aspects in which we are born, grow up, work, live and age that influence our health outcomes. We all need basics to survive, such as clean air, nutritious food, decent shelter and adequate money. However to truly flourish, we need to focus on whole-person care by finding meaning in our lives, sources of joy and beneficial relationships.
Boundaries: A Form of Self-Respect
The process of setting boundaries has three steps: identify your needs, clearly communicate the limits and reinforce your intentions. Self-awareness is paramount here. Boundaries should be flexible, as your needs change. For instance, your stress levels may increase your requirement for personal time or your limits may flux with a maturing long-term relationship. While it is never required to justify your boundaries to others, at times this practice can be beneficial. For example, perhaps you have allowed an old friend to repeatedly call to vent problems, but you have realized that their oversharing is affecting your peace of mind. This friend’s lack of self-awareness requires the need to be more direct by setting a threshold on the content and length of the calls. Will that hurt your friend’s feelings; probably! But for you to live an authentic life, you may have to get used to disappointing others. Boundaries are a form of self-respect. Being too much of a ‘yes-person’ creates barriers to setting healthy limits for one’s own self-care. Hopefully, the friend will appreciate your candor rather than being offended. Communicating your thoughts to the other person should serve to strengthen trust in strong relationships. In truly stable companionships, establishing boundaries openly indicates that your friendship is important enough to save. A fair-weather friend is more likely to tolerate the encroachment quietly and then sacrifice the alliance instead of trying to mend it. A friend that sees your boundaries as an attack is likely not a desirable attachment in the first place.