Navigating Tension at the Holiday Table

Serving others as a clinician provides a front row seat to observe reactions to societal trends. I was surprised at how many struggled to cope following the election results. These reactions have amplified anxieties surrounding the upcoming holidays. For the last four years, the American Psychological Association has polled regarding holiday health. This year 28% of those surveyed are experiencing more stress affording holiday gifts (46%,) grieving a lost loved one (47%,) and dealing with challenging family dynamics (35%). That may be especially true this December, as revealed by a recent APA survey conducted right before Thanksgiving. A significant 45% of younger people (ages 18 to 34) and 47% of middle-aged folks (ages 35 and 44) said they plan to avoid relatives they disagree with this holiday season in the aftermath of the election. Managing a family’s political differences during the holidays can be tough, but these conflicts do not have to ruin a festive season

How does one engage constructively in family political disagreements during the holidays?

Boundaries: A Form of Self-Respect

The process of setting boundaries has three steps: identify your needs, clearly communicate the limits and reinforce your intentions. Self-awareness is paramount here. Boundaries should be flexible, as your needs change. For instance, your stress levels may increase your requirement for personal time or your limits may flux with a maturing long-term relationship. While it is never required to justify your boundaries to others, at times this practice can be beneficial. For example, perhaps you have allowed an old friend to repeatedly call to vent problems, but you have realized that their oversharing is affecting your peace of mind. This friend’s lack of self-awareness requires the need to be more direct by setting a threshold on the content and length of the calls. Will that hurt your friend’s feelings; probably! But for you to live an authentic life, you may have to get used to disappointing others. Boundaries are a form of self-respect. Being too much of a ‘yes-person’ creates barriers to setting healthy limits for one’s own self-care. Hopefully, the friend will appreciate your candor rather than being offended. Communicating your thoughts to the other person should serve to strengthen trust in strong relationships. In truly stable companionships, establishing boundaries openly indicates that your friendship is important enough to save. A fair-weather friend is more likely to tolerate the encroachment quietly and then sacrifice the alliance instead of trying to mend it. A friend that sees your boundaries as an attack is likely not a desirable attachment in the first place.

Cultivating Self-Esteem

The foundation of self-esteem is rooted in the relationship you have with yourself. According to Schiraldi (2016,) self-esteem is “a deep, quiet inner security that is not easily shaken under duress or after a disappointing performance.” Often we measure self-worth by comparing ourself to others. This practice can alter the respect we hold for ourselves. Decision making, assertiveness, risk taking and letting go of past mistakes are areas of our lives that can be disrupted when our self-respect is in question.

2024 Workforce Trends

United States companies have experienced tens of thousands of lost jobs in markets from Wall Street to the travel, tech and media industries, despite experts reporting a strong economy. The cause of numerous job cuts may relate to pandemic over-hiring or the need to reduce costs due to high interest rates. Surplus positions are eliminated to optimize the workforce when businesses restructure. Firms in declining industries, such as tobacco, manufacturing and apparel, trim to survive. Technological changes intended to improve company efficiency, including the investment of AI, are replacing human workers. International arenas that bring global rivalry create workforce reduction related to the changing market. In order to cut costs, in-house employees may oftentimes lose their jobs to outsourcing.

Practicing Assertiveness

Assertiveness is an expression of your true needs, beliefs or feelings to others. It means being unafraid to stand up for yourself, set boundaries and self-advocate in a respectful manner. Choosing to passively avoid speaking up for yourself gives away your power and only leads to your feeling resentful. Assertive communication results in a ‘win-win’ rather than the ‘I win’ expression of aggression by respecting the rights of others, as well as oneself. I often tell clients, “Assertiveness implies getting what you need without stepping on others’ toes” and is a benefit for all considered. Openly stating needs and boundaries serves others by setting expectations, promoting clarity and building trust. I don’t know about you, but I personally like being around people with whom I know where I stand.