Singlehood refers to a state of being unmarried or uninvolved in a romantic relationship. This populace may have never married, are divorced, widowed or separated. The choice to remain single may be to focus solely on their own lives, or they are merely unattached due to personal circumstances.
In 2023, 40% of adults are single and half of these folks are uninterested in dating (Center for Thriving Psychology, 2023). Did you know that both marital and divorce rates have declined in the last decade? In 2021, the U.S. marital rate was 14.% per 1,000 women; down from 16.3 per 1,000 women in 2011 (US Census Bureau, May 31, 2023). Those who are wed are generally better-off than singles, but psychologists debate whether marriage causes, or merely ‘selects,’ for happiness (Luden, 2021). Studies show that the healthy and content are more likely to get married than those who are not, as wellbeing is an attractive mating feature. The long-held assumption that married people are happier is being disproved and public opinions are shifting.
It is important to recognize that a single lifestyle does not imply lonely discontentment, as many singles lead full and satisfying lives. Undeniably, there are the disadvantages of being single such as a lack intimacy, support and companionship. These drawbacks leave many people fear being a solitary person. Research suggests ‘fear of being alone’ is a meaningful predictor of settling for less in partnerships (Spielmann, S. S., et. al., 2013). A number of singles, who have conquered their fears of aloneness, have determined that solitude is a healthier situation than the misery of living with an incompatible partner.
Cultural norms toward singledom have evolved over time. In the past, women felt pressured by society to select a mate and start a family. Currently, one’s position as a singleton is more accepted and respected. Yet, I have worked with a number of clients who continue to make themselves terribly unhappy by comparing their relationship status to others’ situations. Their thought process is, “I’m missing out because I’m not married or do not have a significant partner.” Their reasoning is that others are experiencing a sense of belonging that is superior to their current lifestyle, which may not even be factual. Yet one’s emotional reaction to being unattached depends on how they choose to frame the concept. If being uncommitted is viewed as a failure, then the state of singularity renders negative feelings of discomfort and anxiety, as though something were wrong. Is it? Are emotions emanating from a personal perspective of deficit?
It is worth knowing that if one wishes to attract a partner, projecting an impression of anguish does not easily lead to success. But if this pessimistic outlook on being single is challenged, reevaluated and corrected, people seeking partners may often find them. Feeling good about yourself is on the list of attractive personality traits, such as confidence, good humor, playfulness and optimism. These qualities are not usually evident in those with a lower sense of self-worth.
Choosing to embrace singlehood by living life with meaningful purpose, solid friendships and enjoyable, challenging pursuits can be an affirmative way of life.
Benefits of singlehood include:
Personal development – Prioritizing a path of self-discovery by focusing on your personal goals, interests and passions to grow without the encumbrance of a romantic relationship.
Freedom – Having the flexibility to explore new experiences, such as travel, without consulting a partner to coordinate with their preferences.
Independence – The choice to make your own decisions, experience results and learn from your own selections.
Nurturing occupation – Having more time to dedicate to a career or educational pursuits to further enhance per sonalopportunities.
Healing – In the aftermath of a difficult relationship, staying single grants time to regain emotional stability and a fresher perspective to think mindfully about entering into a future partnership.
Spielmann, S. S., et. al (December 2013). Settling for less out of fear of being single. National Library of Medicine. PubMed. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24128187/