We have all experienced a toxic alliance where the drama of a friend ’s life adversely affects our own. Perhaps from the beginning, there was poor social reciprocity where most of your efforts in the relationship were unreciprocated. It is challenging to build a healthy sustainable partnership with these imbalances.
One example may be when a close, long-term relationship is suddenly neglected because of a friend’s new romantic interest. It is reasonable to feel hurt, confused, betrayed and resentful, as it invalidates your earlier unconditional investments. These injured emotions are compounded when the friend seeks your condolences once the love story is over. Determining renewal of the friendship after such conduct can be difficult.
Our relationships are celebrated as a strong contributor toward the quality of life. To support health and happiness, carefully choosing how and where to invest time and energy is essential. Everyone is worthy of a friend’s loyalty and authentic caring. As time is a precious commodity, we may have to make the tough choice to terminate a relationship which does not provide adequate positive effects.
Deciding to rekindle an unhealthy friendship can be a hard personal choice. For one thing, we have previously devoted significant interpersonal resources and emotional energy to the union. And there may have been aspects of your time together that were truly valuable. Consequently, it is important to approach the decision with careful consideration. Prioritizing your own well-being by surrounding yourself with beneficial relationships is certainly a wise option.
The following strategies can help with the decision process:
1. Assess toxicity by reflecting on negative aspects, such as
manipulative behavior, constant conflict or poor respect.
- What impact did these have on your quality of life?
2. Evaluate the friendship’s influence on the trajectory of the
relationship’s growth or erosion.
- Has the association evolved from times of conflict or has
it been weakened?
3. Boundaries are crucial to any healthy relationship. In
moving forward, safer parameters may need to be set.
- What are the chances the friend will respect and uphold
your new, conditional limitations if you reunite?
4. An effective, candid conversation is key in building trust
and understanding from both perspectives.
- Is this person open and accountable as you present your
view of the relationship to them?
5. External perspectives can be helpful to gain objective
insight on the situation.
- Can you seek advice from those you trust to provide an
a helpful unbiassed viewpoint?
6. Estimate the potential for true change with the notion that,
“change takes time.”
- Can you realistically assess the potential for destructive
patterns to resurface?
7. Prioritize self-care by considering how reuniting with this
particular person really impacts your overall happiness.
- Can you determine whether it is better to let go and move
forward to enhance your own personal growth?
Final thoughts:
It is also vital to realize that many people are simply incapable (or unmotivated) to change their behavior for reasons beyond their own personal benefit. These conditions may manifest in inconsistent or fleeting shifts in the exchanges in your relationship.
Perhaps you have come to a point to where you should consider cutting your losses if this is your final assessment.