What is a trauma bond? A trauma bond is when a person forms an intense emotional attachment to an authority figure, abuser or captor. These types of relationships typically include a power imbalance that describes a complex set of incongruous emotional and psychological reactions within a victim. Trauma bonds can be seen in families, friendships and workspaces to religious groups or clubs where rewards are unpredictably entangled with mistreatment. The concept is similar to Stockholm Syndrome where a victim empathizes with their captor’s goals as a means of survival during intense stress and fear.

Cultural norms toward singledom have evolved over time. In the past, women felt pressured by society to select a mate and start a family. Currently, one’s position as a singleton is more accepted and respected. Yet, I  have worked with a number of clients who continue to make themselves terribly unhappy by comparing their relationship status to others’ situations. Their thought process is, “I’m missing out because I’m not married or do not have a significant partner.” Their reasoning is that others are experiencing a sense of belonging that is superior to their current lifestyle, which may not even be factual. Yet one’s emotional reaction to being unattached depends on how they choose to frame the concept. If being uncommitted is viewed as a failure, then the state of singularity renders negative feelings of discomfort and anxiety, as though something were wrong. Is it? Are emotions emanating from a personal perspective of deficit?