Practicing Assertiveness

Assertiveness is an expression of your true needs, beliefs or feelings to others. It means being unafraid to stand up for yourself, set boundaries and self-advocate in a respectful manner. Choosing to passively avoid speaking up for yourself gives away your power and only leads to your feeling resentful. Assertive communication results in a ‘win-win’ rather than the ‘I win’ expression of aggression by respecting the rights of others, as well as oneself. I often tell clients, “Assertiveness implies getting what you need without stepping on others’ toes” and is a benefit for all considered. Openly stating needs and boundaries serves others by setting expectations, promoting clarity and building trust. I don’t know about you, but I personally like being around people with whom I know where I stand.

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Trauma Bonds

What is a trauma bond? A trauma bond is when a person forms an intense emotional attachment to an authority figure, abuser or captor. These types of relationships typically include a power imbalance that describes a complex set of incongruous emotional and psychological reactions within a victim. Trauma bonds can be seen in families, friendships and workspaces to religious groups or clubs where rewards are unpredictably entangled with mistreatment. The concept is similar to Stockholm Syndrome where a victim empathizes with their captor’s goals as a means of survival during intense stress and fear.

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Is it OK to be Single?

Cultural norms toward singledom have evolved over time. In the past, women felt pressured by society to select a mate and start a family. Currently, one’s position as a singleton is more accepted and respected. Yet, I have worked with a number of clients who continue to make themselves terribly unhappy by comparing their relationship status to others’ situations. Their thought process is, “I’m missing out because I’m not married or do not have a significant partner.” Their reasoning is that others are experiencing a sense of belonging that is superior to their current lifestyle, which may not even be factual. Yet one’s emotional reaction to being unattached depends on how they choose to frame the concept. If being uncommitted is viewed as a failure, then the state of singularity renders negative feelings of discomfort and anxiety, as though something were wrong. Is it? Are emotions emanating from a personal perspective of deficit?

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Evaluating your Friendships

We have all experienced a toxic alliance where the drama of a friend ’s life adversely affects our own. Perhaps from the beginning, there was poor social reciprocity where most of your efforts in the relationship were unreciprocated. It is challenging to build a healthy sustainable partnership with these imbalances.

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Youth Social Media Warning

At this moment, we are experiencing a national youth mental health crisis.

The U. S. Surgeon General has recently prioritized an advisory that a diversified effort be made to reduce the risk of harm to children’s mental health from the use of social media. Although it has its benefits, it has been concluded that the Internet is not safe enough to support the psychological wellness of children and teens ages 13-17. Kids are spending too much time on the Internet. More than 3.5 hours a day are occupied with social media sites and 1/3 of kids are using it almost ceaselessly. The type of content that may cause the most harm, as well as what may be touted as protective factors, are now being seriously researched.

What parents and caregivers can do
to mitigate this problem:

Create a family media plan to help establish healthy technology boundaries at home—including social media use.
Create tech-free zones and encourage kids to nurture their in-person friendships.
As an adult, model responsible social media behavior. for your kids.
Teach our young about technology and empower them to be responsible online participants at an age-appropriate level that corresponds with natural child development.
Report cyberbullying, online abuse and exploitation.
Work with other parents to establish shared norms and healthy online practices.
Support programs and policies surrounding healthy social media use.

Report - Current Priorities of the
U. S. Surgeon General on Social
Media and Youth Mental Health:
https://www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/priorities/youth-
mentalhealth/social-media/index.html#understand

How to create a family media plan:
www.healthychildren.org/MediaUsePlan.

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Talking to Children about School Shootings

Many caregivers are wondering how to address the Nashville school shooting with kids. Adults are uncertain about what to say when a child asks about community shootings they learned about in the news or from school friends. Children may be frightened by rumors or inaccuracies about what actually happened and require a special type of clarification. It is important to be proactive and truthful in talking with kids, but they definitely don’t need to know all the details of the event.

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Suzette Turner-Clark, LCSW-S, RPT/S, RYT-200