Boundaries: A Form of Self-Respect

The process of setting boundaries has three steps: identify your needs, clearly communicate the limits and reinforce your intentions. Self-awareness is paramount here. Boundaries should be flexible, as your needs change. For instance, your stress levels may increase your requirement for personal time or your limits may flux with a maturing long-term relationship. While it is never required to justify your boundaries to others, at times this practice can be beneficial. For example, perhaps you have allowed an old friend to repeatedly call to vent problems, but you have realized that their oversharing is affecting your peace of mind. This friend’s lack of self-awareness requires the need to be more direct by setting a threshold on the content and length of the calls. Will that hurt your friend’s feelings; probably! But for you to live an authentic life, you may have to get used to disappointing others. Boundaries are a form of self-respect. Being too much of a ‘yes-person’ creates barriers to setting healthy limits for one’s own self-care. Hopefully, the friend will appreciate your candor rather than being offended. Communicating your thoughts to the other person should serve to strengthen trust in strong relationships. In truly stable companionships, establishing boundaries openly indicates that your friendship is important enough to save. A fair-weather friend is more likely to tolerate the encroachment quietly and then sacrifice the alliance instead of trying to mend it. A friend that sees your boundaries as an attack is likely not a desirable attachment in the first place.

Incivility in our Society

From small insults to more serious forms of aggression, acts of disrespect have consequences on our health, wellbeing and confidence. Take the example of being cut off in traffic, an experience that leaves one seething miles later or perhaps you have been rudely interrupted by a colleague in an important meeting. The magnitude of the effect it has on your decision making is not surprising, as most people replay the threatening scene repeatedly in their mind. When a person is rude to us, we feel targeted. The nervous system interprets these events as life-threatening and our ability to problem solve is compromised. ‘Anchoring’ is a term for cognitive bias describing the human tendency to rely too heavily on a first piece of information when solving a problem. For example, our outrage creates an overfocus (or anchor) on our initial interpretation ofwhat happened and ignores mediating information. The anchoring effect keeps us from logical solutions because of our judgment errors related to skewed expectations and dismissed information.

The Power of Journaling

A journal is a personal diary that encourages one to practice self-love, which is cultivated through a regular mindful ritual. Jotting down your views without a critical voice allows you to connect to ‘the Self’ and tune into your honest truths. By shifting our focus inward for a new perspective, we have a chance to change the negative stories we tell ourselves defined by others’ actions and words. Rigid expectations we may hold are illuminated and positively altered through fresh viewpoints created by insightful exploration.

Remaining Positive in a Chaotic World

Have you noticed how the world is changing?

Occasionally feeling overwhelmed is normal and it may be challenging to stay positive about the future. Maintaining a sense of hope may help to stay upbeat, as hopefulness is associated with wellbeing, resilience and reduced feelings of depression. Existential thinkers, like Viktor Frankl, highlighted the value of meaning and purpose as a source of hope. While Psychologist C. R. Snyder’s theory asserts that hopefulness serves as a coping mechanism to deal with stress and adversity.

Tis the Season ... to Examine your Mindset

Waking with a start on Sunday morning, I realized it was December and the onset of the holiday season. After getting a cup of coffee, I went straight to my office to begin project managing this month’s calendar. Many people mirror this attempt to choreograph every intricacy of this time of the year.

A recent survey by the American Psychological Association found normalcy in holiday stress; imagine that! In addition, it was discovered that Americans’ primary stressors during the holidays are characterized by financial fears, struggles with loneliness and worries surrounding impending family conflict. If you are like me and your busy schedule becomes even busier in December, it may help to put things in perspective.

Understanding and Overcoming Math Anxiety

Math anxiety manifests as a sense of increasing fear when solving equations, such as on a math test or just thinking about numbers. Usually one knows how to do the math, but the challenge comes when there is an emotional overreaction to working through the problems. When we are upset, we cannot access the parts of the brain necessary for solving problems. And…the ability to think is exactly what is needed to solve problems in the first place. Choosing to believe you are “just not a math person” can complicate your life. It is clear that math is used throughout our lifespan and can affect career choice, money management, calculating dimensions for home projects or planning for retirement.